TEACHER: Why are you late?
JOHNNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Johnny, why are you doing your math problems on the floor?
JOHNNY: You asked me to solve them without using tables!
TEACHER: Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHNNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how *I* spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
JOHNNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?
JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
JOHNNY: Your name on this report card.